Neocities
Finally got around to adding some buttons to the site today that I had been procrastinating adding. Not sure why, just sort of put it off for a while, and the longer it went, the harder it became to want to do it. Hopefully I got everyone, but let me know if I missed one. I try to add the button of every site that follows Sponduliocity if they have one. In addition to this, I also added some mario paint drawings I made recently, all self portraits. I have not uploaded many of my weirder/darker self portraits to the site yet, as I don't want them to be offputting, so some of these mario paint drawings are the darkest on the site. I have been doing a lot of physical drawing recently too, just a few at a time whenever I'm in the dining room, but they really add up.
In addition to these changes today, I realized how close it is to Sponduliocity's one year anniversary. I have been brainstorming what I can do for this milestone and have yet to come up with any great ideas. The site has not really had many dramatic changes over this last year, so rather than celebrating it, I'd rather celebrate the support I have gotten from the neocities community instead. If you are reading this and have any ideas, please let me know. I have had some ideas for the site that have not yet been realized, such as my interview idea, where I interview other neocities webmasters called CorreSpondence.I have also considered making a wordle style daily game, but I wasn't really sure what form that would take, AND I thought the most logical name for it would be Spondle, which kind of sounds awful LOL, so that makes me want to scrap that idea. Maybe I could do a celebratory livestream. Would anyone be interested in something like that? I could do something like mario paint art requests where I take requests from viewers in real time, but that would require people to show up, which seems like an absolute gamble, unless I take the requests ahead of time. I'll think on it, I have about a week to decide.
Gaming
I have not been doing a whole lot of fulfilling gaming recently. For a comprehensive look at what I have been playing, check my Backloggd page (linked on my gaming page) but to sum up, I played Hades 2 when that came out. It was pretty cool, I enjoyed it quite a bit, but am quite sick of doing runs now that I have reached the ending. A similar (albeit less excellent) experience happened with Cloverpit. I played enough runs to reach credits there, and every run since has felt way less engaging. I do not think the game has much staying power past credits. I played Pac Man World 2 Re-Pac, which is neat, but I think I like a lot about the original game more. Overall, gaming kind of blows for me right at this moment. Nothing to really sink my teeth into at the moment. Maybe I'll try to fit in one lengthy singleplayer game before UNBEATABLE comes out next month. That game is one I have been waiting for. I played the original demo, White Label, years ago and have been following it since. Another upcoming game I want to play is GIMMIKO. That game is so full of personality. Check it out if you haven't seen it.
In relation to gaming, I have been trying to find more games I can play while watching streams. Having a twitch livestream on is such a great way for me to manage my attention, since you can essentially put as much in as you want. If the stream is especially engaging, you can watch with full focus, or if you are doing something else, you can basically let it fade entirely into just being noise. In fact I am doing that right now. I have a stream on that I have not heard a single word said in like, a half an hour. I love having streams on while playing Isaac but since I have played an unreasonable amount of that game, I would frankly love to just play anything else. February and the release of Mewgenics can't come soon enough. Do you, reading this, have any suggestions for games that are good to play while watching something? Basically anything you can play muted, without narrative to focus on, or just a time killer like Balatro.
Anime/TV
The new season of airing anime started and WOW the pickings are slim compared to last season. I am, so far, just planning on watching My Hero and One Punch Man, and frankly, even those are not ones I am especially stoked for. After last season and the absolute joy that was City the Animation, I was bound to be in for a dud season here. I am so sick of seeing video game themed isekai garbage on the homepage. I genuinely couldn't imagine being able to keep them all straight. Konosuba really did irreparable damage to the industry huh.
Since the anime season seems so bleak, I started watching King of the Hill for the first time. I blew through the first season and am loving it immensely. I had no idea the show was so rich. The only thing I knew going in was Boggle, so color me surprised at how witty and poigniant the show is.
Agoraphobia
I have been doing pretty much just as bad, mental health wise as ever. I am going to be missing my cousin's wedding soon, and have no idea how the holidays are going to go this year. I feel wholly unequipped to be in a room full of anyone, let alone my family members. My psychiatrist always says that the more I do, the easier it will be but I feel like the direct opposite is true. Every time I do anything outside my comfort zone, I always have a terrible experience and it only serves to reinforce all my fears and anxieties. I never feel proud that I was able to go out but rather miserable and exhausted that I had to and want to never do it again. The only thing that EVER lets me do something with confidence is when it's been so long since the last time that I forget how bad it was. Something that really hit me heavily recently was when I went to the library last week with my mom. It was my first time there and I was decently anxious, but the quiet serene environment was really comforting. A helpful employee showed us how to use the printer and was very kind. I was feeling really happy about the experience and was looking forward to maybe coming regularly, but shortly after we print our documents and I am looking around, my mom gets a phone call and proceeds to answer it and talk for like, eight minutes straight. Her voice was booming throughout the library, which was otherwise silent and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt so trapped and terrified that she was being so rude and that there was nothing I could do so I just walked far away to a window and quietly had my anxiety attack in peace until she was done. I can't explain to you, if you don't experience anxiety the same way I do, why it was such a profoundly terrifying experience, but it truly resounds with me even now. After that though, and I calmed down a bit, I found a copy of Witch Hat Atelier in the manga section and got to read for a bit, which was very therapeutic. I think the best way I can summarize why it was so negative is that it was our first time there, we had just made ourselves known to an employee, establishing ourselves in his perception, then proceed to do something inconsiderate, potentially permanently imprinting that memory on not only him but any library staff, coloring their opinion of us forever, and for something I myself did not even do. It felt like a cataclysmic destruction of any chance of being percieved neutrally, or even ideally, being imperceptible to the strangers around me. It is precisely this sort of event that makes me want to never be outside the safety of my own home, and even more ideally, complete solitude. In fact, even writing all this feels like a vulnerability I'd rather not engage in creating, but I think it is probably healthy for me to express this and get it out, so I guess please don't let me know if you read this LOL, I'd rather pretend no one ever sees anything I do. Also, for clarity's sake, I am self aware enough to understand how absurd and unfounded some of my anxieties are, but the problem with anxiety is that no matter how irrational and extreme your fears are, it is not often easy to quash them.
Other Media
This is a miscellaneous section for other media I've consumed recently. I watched Blade Runner for the first time a bit ago and really enjoyed it. The film is obviously visually stunning, even to this day. The audio experience is also immaculate. The narrative itself, by todays standards, is not especially astounding, but with the context of when it came out is truly mind blowing seeing just how much it has inspired since. So much media that came after this is so clearly inspired by it, that it is so impressive in that regard, and still enjoyable despite having seen a lot of similar stuff since.
I have been listening a bunch to the music of Kaneko Ayano. I heard a lot of her songs a while ago, probably over a year ago but have been relistening to my favorites as well as some of her newer releases. The same is true of Nelward, one of my favorite musicians of all time. And as always, I am listening to a lot of Dragon Quest music. I really hope we get some news on DQ 12 soon.
I saw a few episodes of one of my favorite childhood shows Peep and the Big Wide World again a few days ago. I am always shocked by just how good the show is even now as an adult. Quack is my favorite character. Check out the show if you haven't seen it. It's an educational cartoon from pbs kids. I watched it around the same age as Cyberchase, another banger.
I think that's all I have for you today.
-Jake Spondulio
